


Steve's Clues

by ShinerWrites



Series: Fantastic Crossover Crack [2]
Category: Batman (Comics), Blue's Clues, Dr. Phil (TV), Music RPF, Professional Wrestling, Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Amnesia, Anime Battles, Crack, Don't Ask, F/M, Fucking in a bush, Gen, I Don't Even Know, I wrote this with my friend, It's very unclear which adaptation Holmes and Watson are from, JoJo References, John Watson is so Done, Kidnapping, M/M, Magic Cum, Prequel to 'Holmes and Watson have a weird day', Steve hires Sherlock Holmes, bedazzled vagina, idk - Freeform, maybe BBC Sherlock, steve has amnesia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-01
Updated: 2020-03-01
Packaged: 2021-02-28 04:54:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,355
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22964206
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShinerWrites/pseuds/ShinerWrites
Summary: Steve wakes up in a red chair. He is told he is a Children's TV host for Blue's Clues who has amnesia, named Steve. He is given instructions on how to behave. But as he gets the fake mail, he notices an ad on one of the scrap newspapers used, "Need help? Mystery you can't solve? Come see Sherlock Holmes, 221B Baker Street. Interesting cases only." Maybe this guy can help him...Prequel to 'Holmes and Watson have a weird day.'  Pure crack.
Relationships: Catwoman/Everyone (onesided), Phillip "Dr. Phil" McGraw/Catwoman, Sherlock Holmes/John Watson
Series: Fantastic Crossover Crack [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1757527





	Steve's Clues

Steve woke up in his red armchair, confused as always. Where was he? Who was he? These were questions he repeatedly pondered every single day, but today was even stranger.

“Hello?!”

A woman walked over to him, she looked strange and unfamiliar, “You’re Steve, you have amnesia, and you run a children’s show called Blue’s Clues. All you have to do is look into the camera over there and say ‘can you find the clue?’ You also have to pull out giant mail and act like you don’t see blue paw prints.”

“W-what? No, this can’t be real! What happened to ME? The REAL me?”

The woman smiled, too sweetly. “Honey, this IS you. It always has been. This is your purpose to fulfill. Don’t you want to please some little kids? Not in that way.”

“I mean- yeah… okay.” Steve was still confused, and he needed help.

A voice sounded from off of the set, “Going on in 3… 2… 1…!”

Steve started to do as he was told, if only to stay safe, and maybe make some kids happy.

As the day dragged on, however, he slowly seemed to worsen. His voice was choppy and nervous sounding, he didn’t know his lines, and eventually he just panicked.

As the morning ‘mail’ came on the show, he looked at one of the old newspapers used as a prop, there was an ad, “Need help? Mystery you can’t solve? Come see Sherlock Holmes, 221B Baker Street. Interesting cases only.”

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was a boring, peaceful day for Holmes and Watson. They had just gotten done with a particularly quick case, thanks to Inspector Lestrade, and Holmes found himself bored.

Watson hoped to God he had hidden the morphine well. He was getting worried as Holmes got close to the place where he had hidden it, when there was a knock at the door.

Holmes was up, and quickly answering it.

There on the other side of the door, was a pasty teenage boy with brown hair, “Hi. I’m Steve. I have amnesia, and the only thing I know is my job.”

Sherlock looked at him blankly, “come in.”

Steve proceeded to explain the situation to the best of his ability. Sherlock and Watson exchanged a glance.

“So, from what I understand, you’ve been told only your job. This sounds like a cover-up to me! The game is afoot, eh, Watson?”

“Why do we never get any normal cases?” Watson sighed.

Sherlock began frantically grabbing his things and running into walls and other things, to Watson’s chagrin.   
  


“Can we go? This might be slightly difficult.”

Sherlock, the annoyed Watson, and the still-confused Steve departed the building and headed toward Steve’s studio.

Once they made it to the studio, they saw the woman from before, and the man in the dog suit.

Sherlock quickly made deductions about the man in the dog suit,  _ short, overweight, analytical. _ As well as the woman,  _ hair on her clothes, short and soft, affinity for cats. Untrustworthy. _

The voice sounded from off set again, “We’re due for another shoot!”

“Who’s that?” Watson asked.

“Good question,” Holmes looked around suspiciously.

“It’s the schedule manager,” the woman explained.

Holmes noticed her eye twitch, “lying.”

But the lady was already walking away, acting seductive towards the man in the dog costume.

““Watson? I think we have ourselves a prime suspect.”

“Why can’t you let me live a normal life?”   
  


But Sherlock was already running into the back room of the studio.

Watson would have followed, but he got stuck staring at the woman’s breasts.

“So far you guys aren’t being very helpful, I gotta say,” Steve said, annoyed.

Watson nodded, not listening.

Steve sighed and followed Sherlock into the back room. Watson snapped out of it and followed as well.

The lady took notice, “wait, you’re not allowed-”

But they slammed the door on her.

Steve started looking around, “woah…”

Sherlock Holmes was looking around as well. Then he noticed a closet. He opened it and saw several costumes, a suit, a backup dog suit, and a black leather costume...

_ “Holy shit.” _ , he whispered. 

Watson had a surprised look on his face. “Is this fucking…”

Steve was confused. “I don’t get it. What’s so surprising?”   
  
Sherlock looked at him with a serious face. “This WAS a cover up. This was an operation to make money off your kidnapping and brainwash children, but why does Catwoman need so much money…?”

“CATWOMAN?” Watson asked, shocked.

“THAT’S RIGHT YOU CLEVER MUTHAFUCCCCCCCERS!!!” The lady, aka Catwoman, suddenly burst in through the door, “I figure since you already know who I am, I might as well tell you my plan… I’ve been  _ dying _ to tell someone.” Catwoman walked over to Holmes seductively, “especially  _ you.” _

“Gross…” Watson mumbled.

“I’ll get to you sweetheart,” Catwoman winked.

“Double gross,” Steve sighed.

“Just tell us the goddamn plan,” Holmes said angrily.

“Right, well, you’re right, I did kidnap Steve, and sure, I exploited him for money, but that doesn’t make me a bad person! I’m just misunderstood!”

“Yes it does!,” Steve cried, “and why do you need the money?”

“Oh, for the ultimate doomsday device. Batman can’t stop me now. And neither can you. You see, I brain-wiped Steve with the help of none other than the expert on brains, the Destroyer of Insane Mothers… Dr. Phil.”

Blue walked in, taking off the head of his costume, and there stood, the one and only Dr. Phil.

“And of course the show needed music, so I hired the Holy King of Emo himself, Adam Lambert! He should come in and help perform the killing in a seco-”

Adam Lambert walked in, his eyeliner dripping everywhere from crying. “Catwoman, Dr. Phil! I’ve had enough!”

Suddenly, the room turned into an anime battlefield. “Killer Queen” by Queen began mysteriously playing in the background.

Dr. Phil made a rage face, “Oh yeah? You think you can beat me?! Prepare to feel the wrath of my SHINY HEAD!!!”

Dr. Phil and Adam Lambert jumped at each other, colliding mid air sparks flying everywhere. They started punching each other fiercely, screaming “ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA” and “MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA”.

Steve sneaked away from the room.

It was an even match, both were tired, and no one was winning.

Suddenly, Catwoman pulled out her magical bedazzled pussy, “PREPARE FOR THE WRATH OF MY VAGINAL PIERCINGS!!!”

A light came from her pussy, and Adam Lambert was blown backwards, “Argh! It’s no use!”

Watson looked around, confused. “Uhhhh… you can do it?! God, this is the weirdest case…”

Adam stood up. “You’re right! Time to fight genitals with genitals!” Adam pulled out his Uber Powerful Big Dick and released a load of magical cum powerfully enough to destroy stone within seconds. Catwoman’s suit was disintegrated by the molten nut and she ended up naked on top of a Garfield costume. Dr. Phil was blown back through the wall.

Catwoman coughed. “You may have defeated us, but you cannot stop my doomsday device!”

Steve walked in, “Oh yeah, because I’ve just destroyed it with a mallet! You can’t do evil anymore! I will no longer work for you!”

Catwoman laughed. “You can’t stop me! I’ll always get away.”

“Not this time!” Sherlock Holmes said, “I’ve called Lestrade with Steve’s telephone!”

A bunch of police showed up, placing Catwoman and Dr. Phil under arrest for kidnapping.

Watson looked down at himself, covered in jizz from before, “Now people will definitely think I’m gay. I swear I’m not.”

“Really, cause that’s not what it seemed like a week ago,” Sherlock looked at Watson, amused. 

Watson glared at him. “That was a ONE TIME INCIDENT!”

Holmes grabbed Watson’s face and smiled seductively.

Watson frowned. “Fine. Lets rinse off and go find a nice bush to fuck in.”

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Holmes and Watson had just gotten done fucking in a bush.

A muscular man in a tractor drove by them, “Hey laddies, could ya stop… distracting me?”

“John Cena??”

**_To be continued…_ **

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Catwoman and Dr. Phil sat in a jail cell together, awaiting trial.

“God this is boring.” Said Dr. Phil.

Catwoman sighed, “I agree… wanna screw?”

“Sure.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
